Surfing used to mean something. Seems like all we see these days are fancy boys dancing on the water like damn ballerinas in fancy-ass boardshorts with $300 haircuts. What happened to cutbacks? Where is all the vertical re-entry three-to-the-beach aggression? Kids these days should be studying and taking notes from their elders. Instead, they’re playing grab ass on whatever newfangled video-game techno diarrhea shit shows they’ve got playing on their flat-screen pocket televisions. Don’t give us that drop wallet tail chuck full rotation bullshit if you don’t really mean it! If you’re gonna do a flip, do it with some conviction goddamnit! Cut the crap! Surf like you mean it—grab surfing by the balls and twist them like a crocodile dragging a baby goat to its death! If you’re gonna surf, do it for real, it’s time. Let’s surf seriously!